Nourishing Grief
The holidays are intended to be a fun time for couples. Buying presents for each other. Going to parties. And spending time with family. However, over the years, both Mr E and myself experienced holiday grief. Two years ago, Mr E’s mom passed away a few days before Christmas, after losing his father 16 months prior. And exactly 1 month ago today, I was forced to say an unexpected goodbye to my father a few days before Thanksgiving. You know what’s not fun? Losing a parent right before a holiday, forced to celebrate the holiday, and then hold a funeral in the days after. So what is the best way to nourish grief around the “happiest time of the year”?
If you’ve noticed I’ve been MIA these past few weeks with new posts, it’s because family comes first. The day after returning from FNCE back in October, my father was admitted to the hospital after complaints of loss of appetite and a 25 pound weight loss over the past month. As a dietitian, those are huge red flags. My parents had just returned from a cruise to Spain and Portugal, and my stubborn father refused to go to the ER, insisting his primary care doc see him instead. The primary care doc immediately admitted dad to the hospital, and after many tests, he was diagnosed with late stage cancers of the pancreas, liver, and bladder. The oncologist referred to it an an “aggressive cancer” that had already entered the blood. My dad, weakened from weight loss and not eating for the past few weeks, decided not to pursue treatment. Two weeks later my dad went on hospice care. After another two weeks, we said good-bye. (I still can’t read through this paragraph without crying)
It has been hard getting into the Christmas spirit. We finally put our tree up last weekend and started listening to Christmas music. Part of it feels wrong. I don’t know how I’ll feel looking at my dad’s empty chair at the head of our holiday dinner table this year. So how does one nourish grief during this time of year?
Friends & Family
In the weeks since losing my dad, I have been beyond touched with the calls, texts, social media messages, cards, flowers, and donations in my dad’s memory that have come our way. Knowing others have taken the time to console my family or pay their respects has been one bright light in this cold winter.
When we lose someone important, you become closer to those remaining around you. You want every moment to just last a little bit longer. Enjoy the company of others, even when you want to be alone. I can’t tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night hysterically crying, and having Mr E there to comfort me and telling me to “let it out”. Everything happened so quickly, and my dad didn’t want anyone to know his condition, that only my best friend knew besides Mr E. As the end was nearing, I had to tell more people because I was spontaneously breaking down into tears. And it felt good to tell people, because I no longer felt a huge burden on me holding in this secret. So talk. A lot.
Food
During grief, it’s easy to have a loss of appetite, which can eventually lead to an increase in appetite over the long term. The duration of my dad’s journey and aftermath have been full of stress. This leads to an increase in stress hormones, including cortisol. While it may seem more natural to drown tears in salty chips or a pint of ice cream, processed foods can actually add to inflammation caused by stress. Research has shown the best foods to have during times of grief include olive oil, fish, fruits, vegetables, nuts, legumes, poultry, dairy and unprocessed meat. These are high in stress and depression-fighting nutrients including calcium, chromium, folate, polyunsaturated fatty acids, vitamin D, B12, zinc, magnesium and D-serine. Probiotics are also shown to have a role in fighting depression.
Just Breathe
Slow, deep breaths are beneficial in fighting stress and depression caused by grief. Thank goodness I have yoga in my life. It gave me a chance to find peace and 
meditation, and even briefly escape the pain for an hour a day. As much as I’m known to be a yogi who loves being upside down, during the past few weeks, all I wanted was time to restore my body and mind. However, I did wish my yoga teacher friends would remove Coldplay’s “Fix Me” from their playlists, as all I could think about was this number from So You Think You Can Dance and almost lost it in class a few times.
Exercise
In the weeks since my father’s passing, I’ve been working towards getting back
into creating more cardio-based workouts. Exercise helps to release stress and depression-fighting endorphins. I’m looking forward to sharing more workouts with you all here on this blog and social media in the new year as a way to channel my energy.
Aromatherapy
I’ve recently become more educated on essential oils, and there has not been a night where I go to sleep without my diffuser running. Or wear my aromatherapy necklace. Or carry an oil in my purse when I needed to apply to trigger points or take a quick whiff. Whether it actually works or is a comfort thing, I don’t particularly care. But it has been interesting to note which scents I have gravitated towards or avoided as my mood changes.
Continue to Pursue Goals with Newfound Intention
When I first heard my dad’s diagnosis, one of the first thoughts that ran into my head was, “But I’m not done building up my business to make Dad proud of me.” As much as my mom reassured me he was in fact proud, I now have reignited my desire and focus towards my own passion and business plan to achieve my desired outcomes. And as my dad looks down on me, maybe now he’ll understand what exactly it is I do each day.
HOW HAVE YOU NOURISHED GRIEF OR PERIODS OF EXTREME STRESS?
PLEASE SHARE YOUR METHODS OR STORY BELOW IN THE COMMENTS.
References
Lang U, E, Beglinger C, Schweinfurth N, Walter M, Borgwardt S, Nutritional Aspects of Depression. Cell Physiol Biochem 2015;37:1029-1043
Huang R,Wang K, HuEffect J, Probiotics on Depression: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials. Nutrients 2016;8:483-495
[…] RELATED: Nourishing Grief […]